Empty

Sometimes I feel empty, alone, and anxious. I do everything that I can to get out of this rut, but sometimes it takes time. Time alone with my husband and time alone with God. Lately both things have been lacking. My husband has been working long hours to try to meet a deadline so that leaves little time for us to spend together.

This weekend my husband obliged to going away. I cried and told him how much I needed it and after some negotiating, he agreed. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this weekend. I need time with him and time in the Word. I need us to be together and to not have the internet or anything else distracting us from one another.

Dilemma

What do you do when you feel pressured to be someone's friend or like someone out of obligation to someone else?

This question has been plaguing me for some time. I have two people who fall into this category. Two people that I am not fond of and would like to stop associating with. The reality of the situation is that it would cause a rift. One would be with my husband and his friend (and I would never want him to lose a friend over this) and the other would be with family.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Forced to try to be friends with people that I don't trust. What do you do in a situation like this?

Finances

I do the finances in our household. My husband works a lot and that's just what works out best for us. I keep him in the loop telling him what bills are paid when and how much they were and give him an update on our bank accounts often. It really is a lot of work.

It's no surprise that things are going to be a little tight this summer. I'm not working which means that we only have one source of income until late August. I'm hoping to draw as little as possible from our savings, but it seems to be inevitable at this point.

Money is something that seems sort of taboo when it comes to friends. I know that I get embarrassed to say that we "can't afford" something, but when it comes to having the latest and greatest or having savings to fall back on, it's a no-brainer. But, that doesn't make it any easier to tell someone that you can't afford to buy something from their home business or that you can't go to the movies because they are friggin expensive!

I'm trying to find balance with it all. My husband is a saver and I am, by nature, a spender. It makes me feel good to go out and buy something, especially when you get a great deal for it, but that's not always the best course of action. Fortunately, with me doing the finances, I know when to cut back and when it's ok to spend a little more. Right now, it's time to cut back.

My biggest areas of weakness are eating out and buying things for our home. I love to go out to eat. There are no dishes to clean up, the food tastes good, someone else waits on you, and I don't have to cook! The downside...cost and calories. As with buying things for our home, I feel the need to nest. It's a woman thing. Making our home look nice makes me feel good. We just rearranged the apartment and it makes me want to buy things to make it look better. No, these things aren't needed, but I want them.

Since it's time to cut back, I'm going to make an effort to not eat out as much and to not shop for things we don't need. This is going to be difficult, but it can be done and it will make my husband very happy.

What are your best suggestions for saving money? I already coupon and shop for sales. Any other suggestions?

Summer Projects

The great thing about teaching is being off for the summer. Of course, this means that I should probably keep busy and start some kind of project. There are a few things that I've been thinking of and I couldn't be more excited.

• Redecorating the apartment. We still aren't fully "settled" here so finishing the decorating portion of it would be fantastic and really make it feel more like home.
 
• Cross-stitching. I have a counted pattern that I've been working on and I can't wait to see the completed project. It's going to take a while, but the work is worth it.
 
• Keyboard? We picked up a keyboard for me to start learning how to play (again) and I'm hoping to put some time into it. I've never fully picked it up, but it's been an on and off again thing for years. Hopefully this will be a good summer to do that.

 

What are your summer plans?



Faker

I feel like a fraud.

I don't know how to manage my roles in life.

Wife. Seems simple, right? Wrong. I feel the constant need to take care of my house and my husband and that doesn't always work out so well. In the beginning of our marriage I completely enjoyed making his lunch and getting his coffee ready for the next day. Now, it feels more like a chore and he has been taking care of it for the longest time and it makes me feel awful. In addition to this, I have the hardest time keeping things picked up around the house. It doesn't help that my new physical limitations make it so that I'm supposed to stay off of my feet and rest my knee whenever I can. Great.

Teacher. I survived the first year! But, the truth is that I feel no more confident for the next year than I did for my first year. We have decided to change the curriculum and it makes me both excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm really hoping that my fears are relieved next year and that I will really find my niche in teaching.

Do you ever feel like a fraud? Like you have to pretend that you know what you are doing when you feel like yo have no clue? Please, someone rescue me!

Blessed

It's no lie that I've been going through a rough patch lately, but despite it all, my husband has been by my side 100%.He has been there when the crying won't seem to stop and when I feel like there's nothing more that I can do except for lie on the couch watching tv to drown out the horrible things I've been feeling.Throughout all of this, he has been so supportive and helpful. He even took off of work last week to talk to my doctor about how he can help me get through this. He has been such a blessing to me.

I have been presented with a great opportunity to go to Mexico for a week and nanny for a family that I used to work for. One of the boys that will be there was the little boy that I watched back in 2005-2007. He was, by far, my favorite. I now get the opportunity to watch him, his adorable little sister, and two friends of the family (whom I watched on a different Mexico trip in 2007). My husband has done everything possible to make this trip happen for me. He has made sure that I could get my passport renewed (with my new name) and expedited in time so that I could go on the trip because he knows how much this will mean to me.

He has also gone above and beyond what he should have to do at home just to make life easier for me. He packs up my laptop everyday for work, makes sure my car keys are on the table by my purse, puts the laundry away, does the dishes every night, and makes sure that we are spending time together when things get hectic.

He is amazing and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I don't know what I've done to deserve him, but I thank God every day for my husband.

Can you tell I teach?

I had a *brief* meeting today with my principal and the middle/high school lead teacher about next year's English curriculum. We have decided to make a few changes in what the middle school grades are using for grammar and I couldn't be more excited!

We are meeting over the period of three weeks in June to discuss next year and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to it. In addition, I will have a Teacher's Guide for the 11th grade American Literature course! This year was difficult trying to teach the 10th grade class without it.

I am so glad to have this year under my belt and am really looking forward to preparing over the summer for next year.