I feel like a fraud.
I don't know how to manage my roles in life.
Wife. Seems simple, right? Wrong. I feel the constant need to take care of my house and my husband and that doesn't always work out so well. In the beginning of our marriage I completely enjoyed making his lunch and getting his coffee ready for the next day. Now, it feels more like a chore and he has been taking care of it for the longest time and it makes me feel awful. In addition to this, I have the hardest time keeping things picked up around the house. It doesn't help that my new physical limitations make it so that I'm supposed to stay off of my feet and rest my knee whenever I can. Great.
Teacher. I survived the first year! But, the truth is that I feel no more confident for the next year than I did for my first year. We have decided to change the curriculum and it makes me both excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm really hoping that my fears are relieved next year and that I will really find my niche in teaching.
Do you ever feel like a fraud? Like you have to pretend that you know what you are doing when you feel like yo have no clue? Please, someone rescue me!
Hi Kathleen, I've been lurking on your blog lately and had some words of encouragement for you! I would say that you are suffering from impostor syndrome - this is when you overlook the accomplishments that you have already done!! (Its super common among grad students, so I am well-versed...) Remember, you made it through a whole year!!! I changed schools between my first and second year teaching, so I had to relearn many things - and even with that - it's so so much easier the second year. A good teacher is good because of HOW they teach, not the curriculum, so everything you learned this year will carry over.
ReplyDeletePlus, while you should use your summer to relax (teachers earn that!), if you want to be pro-active, I bet there are resources or classes for teachers that happen in the summer - professional development programs, classes at the local college, etc. You might try contacts some other English teachers in the area for ideas (or even some advice/reassurance). Teaching is rough (in Texas, 4 out of 5 new teachers don't last more than 5 years as teachers), even if you're really good, and finding help can make you feel more prepared.