When the Good Really Does Outweigh the Bad

In every relationship there are ups and downs, highs and lows--simply put there are good and bad times. In order to continue a relationship the good needs to outweigh the bad. Of course, that is different for every person. For some people it's the gifts that are considered good, for others, it's their actions, and for even some it's all about the words that are exchanged.

My husband and I have been married for just over a month. We met on the internet in April 2008 and began getting to know one another via AIM chat, email, and many long phone conversations. We started dating early that June and got engaged 2 years later. Throughout that time frame there were many good and bad times. We endured a long distance relationship for the first 6 months before I moved up closer to him. We had fights about finances, jobs, different time frames we had for marriage, etc., but one thing always remained the same--we loved each other.

Our love (with God's help) surpassed all of the difficult times we had. He never once raised his voice at me and we were never volitale towards one another. Not every time we argued was comfortable, but screaming, cussing, and throwing things was NOT an option. We promised to love one another and respect each other.

After an argument he never got me an extravagant gift or flowers, but I knew by his actions (and words) that he always loved me. By the way, you should know that my husband is by no means a "sweet talker" and only says what he means in all honesty whether or not you want to hear what he has to say with the best of intentions.

Throughout the duration of our relationship, the good has always outweighed the bad and for that, I am so thankful.

Mornings

I am not a morning person.

There, I've said it. If there is any way that I would have to wake up before 9am, don't count on me to be happy about it.

I've tried to change this in many ways...music, sleeping a little later, getting up a little earlier, waking up earlier, stretching, taking a shower, praying...you name it, I've probably tried it. No matter what I seem to do, I constantly feel agitated and cranky.

Take this morning, for example. I woke up (sick) and the first thing that happens upon getting out of bed? I trip and almost smash my face into the corner of our dresser. Nice. Then, upon going back into the bedroom, I almost stub my toe on the ottoman at the foot of the bed. And, to top it all off, when I was driving to work my breakfast slid off of the seat and down in between the passenger seat and door. Lovely. I managed to salvage it, but mornings are clearly not my friends.

Please, someone tell me that you are not a morning person either?!

Resolutions

Last night I had a nice, long conversation with my sister. I decided it was time to open up and tell her how I feel about our relationship. I told her that I missed her being my sister and that it is hard to relate to my family in California and to trust her after all she has done to hurt me. Her response was priceless--"But, doesn't the good outweigh the bad?" she asked in all sincerity. The truth is that there hasn't been much good lately. There's not nearly enough to cover the hurt I've endured. We're different people now more than ever and it's a harsh reality. It was still nice to be able to talk to her and figure out how I feel about it and where to go from this point on.

Moving Past the Hum-Drum

Yesterday's post was a little bumming and that's how I felt. I've been dealing with a lot lately and sometimes it's hard to manage my emotions.

Despite all of these things, I still maintain that there are so many great things happening in my life. I still have my faith in God and know that He is always with me. My husband is a great man who is so supportive and loving no matter what. I have a great job with wonderful coworkers. I have food, shelter, clothes (some that don't fit anymore), and amazing friends.

I know that it is all about perspective, but sometimes it's hard to look past everything going on to see all of the good we have. I'm working on this slowly, but surely. Let me know if you have any tips.

Feelings...

Anger. Hurt Frustration. Confusion.  These are the feelings that have been plaguing me.

I am angry and hurt that my sister doesn't act like my sister. I tried to go out of my way to help her, be there for her, and she turns around and says some horrible things behind my back.

I am frustrated that no matter what, it feels like I could have done better. I know this is something that many people struggle with, but it's hitting me hard right now.

I'm confused at why I feel so defeated. I'm exhausted every day and want nothing more than to numb myself with the tv. I'm also confused and frustrated that my wrist still hurts from the car accident over a year ago. In fact, it has gotten worse since the last time I saw the doctor last summer. It sucks.

Despite all of these things, I still have an amazing husband who is loving and supportive and at the end of the day, he makes me feel so much better.

My Husband Says the Darndest Things

Every Thursday night we have dinner with one of our married-couple friends. We alternate between whose house we go to and generally have so much fun. The conversation is always hilarious and after dinner we usually get some time to talk wives together and husbands together.

Last night was no exception. We were having dinner and the conversation was flowing, as usual, when my husband says something totally unexpected...

"I bought the cow, now I get the milk...." and he paused just in time for me to say...
"Oh, so I'm a cow...and you bought me? So, that's how it is?"

This is where we all started laughing. It was just so funny! My husband has a tendency to put his foot in his mouth. All night long we were joking about me being his cow and I would "moo" for him.

For some reason this sort of thing happens when we are with friends. He tends to say something as a joke and it totally comes out wrong. It definitely leads to a great laugh and a funny memory!

What does your husband do that makes you laugh?

*For the record my husband does NOT think I am a cow or that I am his property. He was just trying to say something funny and since we waiting until we were married, marriage would be the "price paid" to get the "milk"

On Getting Caught Up

I am so behind. I'm behind at work and I'm behind at home. There aren't enough hours in the day for me to fully catch up and even if there were, I don't have enough energy. I used to be able to give my classes "busy work" and get some grading done, but with the honeymoon, assigning a research paper to one class, and preparing to start reading novels, it just isn't happening that way anymore. I don't want to bring work home because things there aren't much better. Until just yesterday, we had baskets full of laundry that needed to be washed. The kitchen has dishes in the sink (we do them daily though) and the living room/dining room...let's not even go there.

Yesterday I decided to take matters into my own hands. We had done 5 loads of laundry at the laundromat Sunday, but still had more at home so I ventured to the laundry facilities at my apartment complex and did 5 more loads! I did most of them myself, but my husband is wonderful and helped to switch and carry some of the loads once he got home. I managed to fold/hang about half of it and plan to finish it today.

I have decided to make small, attainable goals for each day until we are caught up. Today's goals are to finish putting away the laundry, empty the dishwasher, and vacuum the apartment. Anything more than that is just icing on the cake! Of course, I still need to make dinner and get my husbands coffee and lunch ready for tomorrow, but those things only take a few minutes.

I'm really not sure how long it will take until I am completely caught up, but if I can do a little bit every day, I will eventually get there.

Budgeting

Getting married and following a budget is not always easy. Setting up the budget is easy, but following it is a whole different story.

Our budget consists of every bill we have to pay, an allotted amount for groceries, gas, insurance, and the rest goes towards savings. Or, that's how it's supposed to work. Since the wedding, things have just managed to come up. The crown that broke the week before the wedding is going to cost us $540.

We are being very conscious with our decisions regarding money. It's all about priorities. We want to save up for a house and have a nice "nest egg" for when we are ready to have children, so that means making changes.

My husband is a bit more frugal than I am. He is all about saving money and not spending unless there is a good reason for it. I agree with him, but to be completely honest, this is something that I struggle with. I love getting something cute every now and then or picking up something to eat on the way to work, but all of those little expenses add up.

I used to pick up breakfast on the way to work at least three times a week. Not only does that add up, but it isn't the healthiest option for anyone. In light of our budget and expenses, I have decided to not eat any fast food for a month. Sure, it will be difficult and already has been, but it's worth it.

I love my husband and at the end of the day the decisions we make with our finances affect our relationship. Being conscious about our finances and making good decisions allows us to be comfortable and gives us more security.

Blond Moments from the Mr.

My husband really is a smart man, but sometimes he has his blonde moments. Take tonight, for example. We were talking about how "wonderfully" my sister and I were singing on the way home from the outlets. In fact, we were busting out our best renditions of Taylor Swift and adding our own special "flare" to the songs. It was awful, but we had a lot of fun! Here's how the conversation went...

Me: Honey, Michelle and I really did a great job singing in the car. You should have heard it. Maybe next time you could join in with us.
Him: That's ok. I wouldn't want to ruin your beautiful, high singing voices.
Me: Maybe we should have registered for a karaoke machine. That would have been fun!
Him: I don't think that's a good idea.
Me: Why not?
Him: Well, I didn't do too well with the whole DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) thing.
Me: What does that have to do with karaoke?
Him: Well, if the dancing didn't work out so well, I don't think that dancing and singing would be a good idea.
Me: You do know that you don't have to dance when you do karaoke...it's just singing.
Him: Ya, but I was just trying to get out of it.
Me: Um...you do know I write a blog right? Hahahaha

Proof that my husband is awesome.

Microwave or Crockpot?

If you have ever heard the phrase Men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots you would know how true that statement is. Today, after devotions, some of the teachers and I were talking about this subject.

For men, sex is physical. They just need to know when and where and it can happen. Women, on the other hand, need more mental stimulation to get in the mood. If my husband tells me that he wants to go to the bedroom for some alone time and I'm in the middle of something, it is much more difficult for me to shut off my mind and race to the bedroom ready to go.

This is something that women struggle with daily. It is not always easy to shut off what is going through your head and who really wants to have sex when they are thinking about what chores need to be done, what's for dinner, what bills need to be paid, etc. Unfortunately, this is how women are wired and how we function.

I have noticed that if my husband is in the mood and I want to finish up a show first, it is best for me to stop what I'm doing and meet his needs. This has been a little more difficult this week with my sister staying with us and last night I totally failed at it. When I stop what I'm doing and go with my husband not only is he fulfilled, but I am as well! Just like he needs sex to meet his needs, I need sex to meet my needs too. So, even though it may be difficult for me to stop watching a show or to get off of the internet, it benefits us both to be intimate with one another and that is way more important.

Even though my husband may be like a microwave and I may be like a crockpot, the intimacy of sex in marriage is too important to pass up. There will be times where I am too tired or not in the mood and that's ok, but we need to make sure that our priority is always to meet our spouse's needs and that is what we strive for every day.

Marriage at it's finest

Marriage has it's easy times and it's difficult times. Luckily, being married only two weeks, we find it to be easier right now. This is one of the easiest times we've had in our relationship and I love it. With the honeymoon phase in full effect, it is so much easier to love one another and forgive. Sex every night is great and we both want to do it. I look for ways to serve my husband daily and he goes out of his way for me too. I enjoy making his lunch, cooking dinner, and preparing his coffee for the next day.

I love this stage of marriage. It's new and when you or your spouse does something irritating, it's easier to laugh it off or forgive.

Take this morning for example.

My husband has a long commute. He gets up at 4:10am. I don't have to get up until 6:45am. Every night I get his coffee ready and set the delay brew function to go off when he's getting ready for work. When the coffee is ready, he pours it in his travel mug, shuts it off, and puts the dishes by the sink.

I need to preface this and let you know that I am generally not a morning person. So, when my husband called me literally the second I stood up out of bed, it did not go well. The sound of the ringing from my phone right after the alarm going off really rattled me. He called to ask if I would check to make sure the coffee maker was turned off totally not knowing that it has an auto shut-off feature. The loud ringing of the phone made me jumpy. All morning I was dropping things and got very frustrated. When I called my husband on the way to work I was less than kind. I blamed him for ruining my morning in a sense. I was upset and I took it out on him.

Of course, by the time we got off of the phone I was crying and apologizing for my reaction. He accepted my apology and we were able to both move on in a positive way. It wasn't anything big, but could have turned into something huge if we weren't careful. I love my husband and I strive to show him every day.

Every day has its opportunities to show love and respect. Some days are easier and some days are harder, but we always need to focus on why we love them and why we married them and put things in perspective.