You grow up with your name for 26 years and in the course of one day, your last name is forever changed. I had gotten used to my maiden name, it's who I identified with. Before we got married I couldn't wait for the day that I would take my husband's last name. I remember wanting it so bad. Now that I have it, I'm finding it hard to identify with it. Luckily, I do answer to my new married name when my students say it, but I notice that sometimes I still write my old initials and have to redo paperwork.
I know it will happen in due time and I can't wait to be able to fully identify with my new name. I love my husband and I am so glad to have taken his last name. Now, I get to enjoy this new part of my life.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I Feel Good!
After not feeling well for so long, it's nice to be feeling good again. This feeling gives me the energy and motivation to get things done. I've been organizing more at school and home. It's starting to pay off and I couldn't be happier!
I felt terrible for so long and thought that it wouldn't change. It's so great to be back to normal again. I can only hope that this will continue over time.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sick
Today has been a little rough. I don't know if it was something I ate or the new medication I'm on, but something did not settle well. I've pretty much spent the day either sleeping in bed or on the couch. My husband has been so great about it. He gassed up the car when he got home and went and got me dinner so I would have something to eat.
I'm hoping to feel better tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet a friend's mom about a Bible study she's starting in June and I really don't want to miss it and tomorrow night is family dinner. See, I need to feel better by tomorrow morning!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Opening Up
My husband is a wonderful man. He is patient, kind, loving, and supportive. He is the one I go to with all of my issues throughout the day.
I am happy to report that my mornings have gotten increasingly better. However, my evenings have become increasingly difficult. Most afternoons, I feel very blah which leads to rough evenings. When my husband comes home we eat dinner, talk, and get ready for the next day. Usually I have a little down time while he finishes getting ready for bed.
The past couple of nights I've been super irritable or sad in the evenings. It's really getting to me. I feel so horrible that my husband gets the brunt end of the stick. Of course I apologize, but that doesn't fix the ongoing problem of having rough nights.
After months of having lots of irritability and moods, I saw a doctor. The doctor prescribed me something to hopefully help even things out. Part of me is happy to know that this might work and help me feel normal again, but part of me is embarrassed that I can not do this on my own. I've tried this on my own for years and it just isn't working. I've tried praying, exercising, getting a special lamp for the winter, taking up a mellow hobby, drowning myself in tv, but nothing has worked.
I need to do this because it's what's best for me and my husband. Sometimes the best thing to do is to get help when needed. I know that I need help because I just don't always feel right. My moods fluctuate a lot and it can be so draining.
So, right now I'm doing this to try to get me to feel normal and happy again on a more consistent basis. It's ok to need help and to accept it. Here's to the road of recovery and getting to the right place again...
I am happy to report that my mornings have gotten increasingly better. However, my evenings have become increasingly difficult. Most afternoons, I feel very blah which leads to rough evenings. When my husband comes home we eat dinner, talk, and get ready for the next day. Usually I have a little down time while he finishes getting ready for bed.
The past couple of nights I've been super irritable or sad in the evenings. It's really getting to me. I feel so horrible that my husband gets the brunt end of the stick. Of course I apologize, but that doesn't fix the ongoing problem of having rough nights.
After months of having lots of irritability and moods, I saw a doctor. The doctor prescribed me something to hopefully help even things out. Part of me is happy to know that this might work and help me feel normal again, but part of me is embarrassed that I can not do this on my own. I've tried this on my own for years and it just isn't working. I've tried praying, exercising, getting a special lamp for the winter, taking up a mellow hobby, drowning myself in tv, but nothing has worked.
I need to do this because it's what's best for me and my husband. Sometimes the best thing to do is to get help when needed. I know that I need help because I just don't always feel right. My moods fluctuate a lot and it can be so draining.
So, right now I'm doing this to try to get me to feel normal and happy again on a more consistent basis. It's ok to need help and to accept it. Here's to the road of recovery and getting to the right place again...
What I'm Lovin' Wednesday
- Today is the LAST day of school before Spring Break!
- My co-worker is opening a pitt beef stand tonight and we're going there for dinner.
- I almost have one of the men done in my cross-stitching project.
- We have our wedding video in clips on the laptop.
- 5 days off!!!!!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Menu Plan Monday
I cook most days of the week. Instead of going home each day trying to figure something to make for dinner every day I started menu planning. It's super easy and I'm able to know what's for dinner every day during the week, which makes for easy grocery shopping each week! The meals are also interchangeable so if we're not feeling something one night, I'll swith it up with another night! One thing that is important to my husband is that we have a veggie with every dinner meal.
My menu for this week is:
Monday- Spaghetti with (turkey) meatballs and a salad
Tuesday- Poslka Keilbalsa with peppers and onions and biscuits
Wednesday: Meatball Subs with a salad
Thursday: Tater-tot casserole with green beans
Friday- Family dinner with the in-laws
Saturday- Leftovers
Usually we have plenty of leftovers during the week so my husband likes to pack the
leftovers for lunch. Let's just say I think some of the people in his office are a little jealous :)
What are your plans for dinner this week?
Friday, April 15, 2011
Recent Craftiness
This is the pillow cover I made! Isn't it adorable? I was looking for something to spruce up our apartment and have been in a bit of a crafty mood lately and decided to go to my neighborhood JoAnn fabric store and look around. Let me tell you, I was so excited to find this fabric...and it was 30% off! So, I picked it up with throw pillow covers in mind and headed home.
Once at home, I looked up a youtube video on "how to sew a pillow cover" and was on my way. I went to the guest room to get out all of my sewing things and began measuring, cutting, pinning, ironing, and sewing. The back of the pillow is envelope-style so that you can easily take it off and wash it when it gets dirty.
I have to be honest, this is a super easy craft to do. I only know the basics about sewing and was able to do this.
I am hoping that with my new-found energy I will be doing more fun projects at home to spruce up the place!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Thankful Thursdays
Today I am MOST thankful for...
- SAT testing at school! It's given me a little break from regular classes and I've been able to get a lot done.
- New pens. I got these today and the colors make for happy grading!
- My husband (of course). He went in to work late yesterday so that we could have some time in the morning to get ready for work together. So sweet.
- Sunny days. I like snow and all, but I'm definitely ready for spring!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Married Sex vs. Dating Sex
Most people would tend to agree that sex while dating is way different than sex while married. I'm sure we've all heard jokes about married sex that makes it seem less than appealing or like it's a rare commodity, but in my personal opinion I would have to disagree.
There, I've said it. The cat's out of the bag. Believe it or not, I enjoy sex being married more than sex before marriage. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in the past and that is where my prior experience comes from. I will say, however, that my husband and I waited until marriage to have sex with one another and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Dating sex is all about passion, romance, and not getting caught. It's about what feels good right now and not waiting for the reward. It's about lust, not love. Sure, it's fun and can make you feel closer to the person because it's intimate, but it just doesn't have the same sense of fulfillment as married sex.
Married sex, on the other hand, is about love, respect, and commitment. It's about waiting until the right time and developing a deeper relationship with that person and knowing who you are and who they are in return. It's about trust and knowing that no matter what they are going to be there for you and stick around. And because that is the foundation, married sex is amazing!
Sex after marriage opens up a whole new window of possibilities. You don't have to worry about what to do if you get pregnant and you don't have to worry about any STD/STIs. Because you both love and respect one another, sex is much more fulfilling on a deeper level. The emotional and physical bond that is shared far outweighs the fleeting feelings of passion with dating sex.
Married sex isn't and doesn't have to be boring at all! I'm not saying that it's not passionate, but the "thrill" of getting caught plays into dating sex. Married sex is way more comfortable and you don't have to run off to find a place to have sex every time and hope that you don't get into trouble. Married sex opens both of you up and allows for better communication and intimacy.
Even though sex while dating can be fun, it's a cheap thrill and does not even compare to the fulfillment I've found with my husband. Married sex has so many benefits and can really strengthen your relationship.
Married sex is SO much better than dating sex.
There, I've said it. The cat's out of the bag. Believe it or not, I enjoy sex being married more than sex before marriage. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in the past and that is where my prior experience comes from. I will say, however, that my husband and I waited until marriage to have sex with one another and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Dating sex is all about passion, romance, and not getting caught. It's about what feels good right now and not waiting for the reward. It's about lust, not love. Sure, it's fun and can make you feel closer to the person because it's intimate, but it just doesn't have the same sense of fulfillment as married sex.
Married sex, on the other hand, is about love, respect, and commitment. It's about waiting until the right time and developing a deeper relationship with that person and knowing who you are and who they are in return. It's about trust and knowing that no matter what they are going to be there for you and stick around. And because that is the foundation, married sex is amazing!
Sex after marriage opens up a whole new window of possibilities. You don't have to worry about what to do if you get pregnant and you don't have to worry about any STD/STIs. Because you both love and respect one another, sex is much more fulfilling on a deeper level. The emotional and physical bond that is shared far outweighs the fleeting feelings of passion with dating sex.
Married sex isn't and doesn't have to be boring at all! I'm not saying that it's not passionate, but the "thrill" of getting caught plays into dating sex. Married sex is way more comfortable and you don't have to run off to find a place to have sex every time and hope that you don't get into trouble. Married sex opens both of you up and allows for better communication and intimacy.
Even though sex while dating can be fun, it's a cheap thrill and does not even compare to the fulfillment I've found with my husband. Married sex has so many benefits and can really strengthen your relationship.
Story Behind the Picture
Yes, that is me on stage dancing with a skinny, old Jamaican man on our honeymoon. No, he is not groping me (despite the fact that it totally looks like he is).
Our honeymoon was filled with lots of love, food, sleeping, shows, and fun. We had a great time in Jamaica and were very blessed to be able to go there. During the day, the resort was filled with a lot of lounging around by the pool, going on excursions, or engaging in some sort of water activity they had to do. Or, if you're like us, staying out of the heat and humidity because, honestly, my body just can not handle it!
At night the resort takes on a whole new level of awesomeness. Late night dinners were often followed by shows to watch. Some of them are guest-centered (like live gameshows) while others are where the professionals entertain. The picture above is from the cultural show where they explained a little bit about the history of Jamaica through song and dance.
Obviously, it got to a point where the little old man you see came out into the audience to pick someone to "join" them on stage. Crazy, I know. The first time he came out, he picked a man that sat behind us. My husband and I were so glad that he didn't pick him because my husband seriously has NO rhythm! Once the man was finished dancing on the stage, the little old man came up, grabbed my hand, and led me on stage to dance with him! It was definitely a little crazy.
Next thing you know, I'm up there shaking my booty and people are cheering like crazy! My husband managed to get out his camera and take this picture before it ended. He had a short video clip, but it doesn't show much of the dancing since it was too late at that point.
So, that's the story behind the picture...a little crazy, right?!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Finding Balance
After realizing how great I felt this weekend, I decided to do some "digging around" to see if I could figure out why. What I came up with is a little shocking to me. This weekend there was no tv and I checked my email/facebook once. I played one round of the Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii, but that was it for the tv.
When I came home I decided that I would try out a new theory. I started to limit my tv/internet usage. I haven't watched anything in the past two days, but I have still gone on the internet. What I've noticed was that not only was there more time to get things done, but I also had an increasing amount of energy as well. I still go on the internet multiple times a day, but instead of going on and surfing idly for long periods of time, I only go on for maybe 5-10 minutes at a time (unless there's a lot of blogs to read). I'm trying to replace my old bad habit of tuning out the world and lounging around all day with a new habit filled with more time, energy, productivity, and overall happiness.
Prior to limiting my internet/tv time, my moods would seem to vary greatly. I would get more depressed, irritable, and moody the longer I was plugged-in. It was awful. The past few days I've felt happier, more productive, and less moody/irritable.
Of course, the internet and tv are still great for entertaining myself, but for now I think I'm going to stick with it in moderation.
When I came home I decided that I would try out a new theory. I started to limit my tv/internet usage. I haven't watched anything in the past two days, but I have still gone on the internet. What I've noticed was that not only was there more time to get things done, but I also had an increasing amount of energy as well. I still go on the internet multiple times a day, but instead of going on and surfing idly for long periods of time, I only go on for maybe 5-10 minutes at a time (unless there's a lot of blogs to read). I'm trying to replace my old bad habit of tuning out the world and lounging around all day with a new habit filled with more time, energy, productivity, and overall happiness.
Prior to limiting my internet/tv time, my moods would seem to vary greatly. I would get more depressed, irritable, and moody the longer I was plugged-in. It was awful. The past few days I've felt happier, more productive, and less moody/irritable.
Of course, the internet and tv are still great for entertaining myself, but for now I think I'm going to stick with it in moderation.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Accomplished
With so many things around me that need to get done, I can't help but to think of how fortunate I am. With the rejuvenation from the weekend, I find myself with so much more energy and so much more productive. It's odd, really, because for weeks my body was achy and tired and there was nothing you could do to get me off of the couch. Despite the fact that this week should have me curled up on the couch eating mass amounts of chocolate (yes, it's that time, ladies), I feel like I would rather drink some water and...wait for it...go to the gym tonight. *I swear I just heard screeching in my head*
And you know what? I like this feeling. I actually LIKE being productive and making a stop on the way to work to drop off the mail. I like having the energy to go to the grocery store after the long dentist appointment this afternoon and managing to put the groceries away right when I unloaded them from the car. Wait! Stop the presses--I actually unloaded the groceries and didn't wait for my husband to get home! After my half an hour "power nap" I even got up, took the old sheets off of the bed, vacuumed the bed (allergies), put the new sheets on, switched the comforter to our "lighter one" for spring/summer, and folded and put the fall/winter comforter in the bag.
I seriously can not wait for my husband to get home so he can see how much has been done. I still have dinner to prepare and I want to get some more cleaning/organizing done before he gets home. I'm torn between dusting, putting the dishes away, and organizing the bedroom....
And you know what? I like this feeling. I actually LIKE being productive and making a stop on the way to work to drop off the mail. I like having the energy to go to the grocery store after the long dentist appointment this afternoon and managing to put the groceries away right when I unloaded them from the car. Wait! Stop the presses--I actually unloaded the groceries and didn't wait for my husband to get home! After my half an hour "power nap" I even got up, took the old sheets off of the bed, vacuumed the bed (allergies), put the new sheets on, switched the comforter to our "lighter one" for spring/summer, and folded and put the fall/winter comforter in the bag.
I seriously can not wait for my husband to get home so he can see how much has been done. I still have dinner to prepare and I want to get some more cleaning/organizing done before he gets home. I'm torn between dusting, putting the dishes away, and organizing the bedroom....
Rejuvenation
This weekend we took a (much needed) trip down to Virginia to celebrate a good friend of mine's upcoming wedding. It was a weekend filled with lots of fun, friends, laughter, and (of course) my husband. The bridal shower was beautiful and filled with many women surrounding the bride-to-be.
The one thing I'm learning to love about going to Virginia and staying at my friend's house is that she is not at all dependent on the internet or tv. In fact, she doesn't use her tv, pretty much at all, and rarely uses the internet. When we go there, we have a lot of time to talk, hang out, and run the occasional errand. My husband gets some time to himself (which he loves) and I get some time with my friend (which I love).
The drive home was perfect. It was sunny and in the upper 60's. I was able to drive the whole way home with the windows down while playing music or talking with my husbandwhen he wasn't sleeping.
This weekend gave me just what I've been needing most. Rejuvenation.
The one thing I'm learning to love about going to Virginia and staying at my friend's house is that she is not at all dependent on the internet or tv. In fact, she doesn't use her tv, pretty much at all, and rarely uses the internet. When we go there, we have a lot of time to talk, hang out, and run the occasional errand. My husband gets some time to himself (which he loves) and I get some time with my friend (which I love).
The drive home was perfect. It was sunny and in the upper 60's. I was able to drive the whole way home with the windows down while playing music or talking with my husband
This weekend gave me just what I've been needing most. Rejuvenation.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Letting Go
Today is a good day for me. This is especially great because I've had a lot of rough days recently and have started falling into a depression. Waking up feeling great was so wonderful. I feel like I am seeing the world (and things plaguing me) in a whole new light.
I've written before a little bit about how hurt and frustrated I was with my sister. I have, since learned to deal with it and with lots of prayer and support have decided to move on and let it no longer control me. The decision to let go was not easy and with that comes another difficult decision--to take a step back from our relationship. By taking a step back I am allowing myself to heal and not to worry about hurtful things. It allows her time to grow, mature, and hopefully renew her faith in the Lord. It allows healing to happen from both ends so that one day I will be able to trust her and will see all of the positive things in her life and will get to be apart of that.
Letting go is not always easy, but it is sometimes the best thing. My dad did this for me a long time ago. He was still there for me, but did not allow me (in my crazy-emotional state) to affect his day. Our relationship was tough and, at the time, I did not understand. I felt hurt and abandoned for years, but God finally broke me down and showed me the right way to live and helped me to understand that he was doing what was best for not only him, but my family, and myself. My relationship with my dad is at such a good point right now and it's because I've turned my life around and was not enabled by him.
I am hoping that the same thing will happen for my sister. That she will know that I still love her and am still here for her, but that she needs to grow and make good choices in her life to be able to have the kind of relationship we all want with her.
I am so thankful for the support I've had through all of the bad and selfish decisions I've made in my life. I am now stronger and have a new faith because of it. Now, it's time for me to let go and know that in the end, it will all work out.
I've written before a little bit about how hurt and frustrated I was with my sister. I have, since learned to deal with it and with lots of prayer and support have decided to move on and let it no longer control me. The decision to let go was not easy and with that comes another difficult decision--to take a step back from our relationship. By taking a step back I am allowing myself to heal and not to worry about hurtful things. It allows her time to grow, mature, and hopefully renew her faith in the Lord. It allows healing to happen from both ends so that one day I will be able to trust her and will see all of the positive things in her life and will get to be apart of that.
Letting go is not always easy, but it is sometimes the best thing. My dad did this for me a long time ago. He was still there for me, but did not allow me (in my crazy-emotional state) to affect his day. Our relationship was tough and, at the time, I did not understand. I felt hurt and abandoned for years, but God finally broke me down and showed me the right way to live and helped me to understand that he was doing what was best for not only him, but my family, and myself. My relationship with my dad is at such a good point right now and it's because I've turned my life around and was not enabled by him.
I am hoping that the same thing will happen for my sister. That she will know that I still love her and am still here for her, but that she needs to grow and make good choices in her life to be able to have the kind of relationship we all want with her.
I am so thankful for the support I've had through all of the bad and selfish decisions I've made in my life. I am now stronger and have a new faith because of it. Now, it's time for me to let go and know that in the end, it will all work out.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Changes
Getting married means many changes. I never realized this prior to the nuptials, but here we are and the changes continue to grow.
My husband and I didn't live together before we were married, we waited to have sex, and our bank accounts were kept separately (until right before the wedding). We had our own routines and would see each other often. He paid his bills and I paid ours. We did laundry for free at his parent's house and his mom made dinner every night.
Once we got married, all of those things changed. The honeymoon was a way for us to "get to know each other" away from what was to be our new life together at home. It was great and we had such a great time. The weekend after we came back my sister, Michelle, stayed with us for a week, pushing back the inevitable. Then, reality set in.
Bills needed to be paid, we were going to be living together, our routines needed to blend, we would have to now pay to do our laundry, and I would have to make dinner every night. Oh my!
Being married has meant a whole new way of living. Sometimes it can be overwhelming with dishes, laundry, and a messy apartment, but the security, comfort, and love from my husband makes it all worth it.
I never thought that being married would mean so many changes and to be honest, I didn't exactly adjust well to all of it. I got overwhelmed with all of the phone calls that had to be made to "switch everything over." While my husband works full-time to support us, it allows me to work part-time and I feel like I should be able to be superwoman and when I can't, it hits me hard. Of course, no one is perfect, but it still feels like I should be able to do more, to be a better wife, teacher, and person.
Being married also has brought a number of wonderful changes. I get to see my husband every night. I get to have dinner with him, create memories, and to go to bed sleeping next to him at the end of the day. Those things mean more to me than any of the overwhelming things that may come.
Change is hard, but can be wonderful all at the same time. I'm working on it one day at a time, trying my best to focus on the positive things that we have.
My husband and I didn't live together before we were married, we waited to have sex, and our bank accounts were kept separately (until right before the wedding). We had our own routines and would see each other often. He paid his bills and I paid ours. We did laundry for free at his parent's house and his mom made dinner every night.
Once we got married, all of those things changed. The honeymoon was a way for us to "get to know each other" away from what was to be our new life together at home. It was great and we had such a great time. The weekend after we came back my sister, Michelle, stayed with us for a week, pushing back the inevitable. Then, reality set in.
Bills needed to be paid, we were going to be living together, our routines needed to blend, we would have to now pay to do our laundry, and I would have to make dinner every night. Oh my!
Being married has meant a whole new way of living. Sometimes it can be overwhelming with dishes, laundry, and a messy apartment, but the security, comfort, and love from my husband makes it all worth it.
I never thought that being married would mean so many changes and to be honest, I didn't exactly adjust well to all of it. I got overwhelmed with all of the phone calls that had to be made to "switch everything over." While my husband works full-time to support us, it allows me to work part-time and I feel like I should be able to be superwoman and when I can't, it hits me hard. Of course, no one is perfect, but it still feels like I should be able to do more, to be a better wife, teacher, and person.
Being married also has brought a number of wonderful changes. I get to see my husband every night. I get to have dinner with him, create memories, and to go to bed sleeping next to him at the end of the day. Those things mean more to me than any of the overwhelming things that may come.
Change is hard, but can be wonderful all at the same time. I'm working on it one day at a time, trying my best to focus on the positive things that we have.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Update
Today was an emotionally draining day. I fell this morning and landed on my knee and bad wrist, twisting my back in the process. My back is better now, but my knee is a little swollen and my wrist still hurts (of course).
I went to the doctor today to follow-up with my wrist pain. The car accident was over a year ago and the pain just seems to get worse over time. We discussed our options and we are trying me on an oral cortisone medication to try to decrease the inflammation and avoid surgery. I get to go back in a month and we'll see how it's doing at that point.
And yes, I got an oral medication because I'm a huge baby when it comes to shots and I couldn't handle getting an injection into my wrist.
Even though today has been trying emotionally, I am so thankful to have the love and support of my husband. He has been by my side all afternoon to go to my doctor's appointment, sign up at the gym so we can start going together, putting clothes away, and making dinner for us. I am so grateful for him and am so fortunate to be his wife.
I went to the doctor today to follow-up with my wrist pain. The car accident was over a year ago and the pain just seems to get worse over time. We discussed our options and we are trying me on an oral cortisone medication to try to decrease the inflammation and avoid surgery. I get to go back in a month and we'll see how it's doing at that point.
And yes, I got an oral medication because I'm a huge baby when it comes to shots and I couldn't handle getting an injection into my wrist.
Even though today has been trying emotionally, I am so thankful to have the love and support of my husband. He has been by my side all afternoon to go to my doctor's appointment, sign up at the gym so we can start going together, putting clothes away, and making dinner for us. I am so grateful for him and am so fortunate to be his wife.
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